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The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from Beast in the Jungle by Henry James: perhaps have consented to live but for the possibility of guessing.
She had told him, his friend, not to guess; she had forbidden him,
so far as he might, to know, and she had even in a sort denied the
power in him to learn: which were so many things, precisely, to
deprive him of rest. It wasn't that he wanted, he argued for
fairness, that anything past and done should repeat itself; it was
only that he shouldn't, as an anticlimax, have been taken sleeping
so sound as not to be able to win back by an effort of thought the
lost stuff of consciousness. He declared to himself at moments
that he would either win it back or have done with consciousness
for ever; he made this idea his one motive in fine, made it so much
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